The Trails of the Heart
by Tsubasa-fan
Summary: Kurogane thinks about Fai and how much the blonde means to him. This is a oneshot. Several pairings. Yaoilemon. KuroFai. Sadness insues. Character death.


**Title:** The Trials of the Heart

**Author: **Youkohieifan (LJ), Tsubasafan KuroganeFai, DoumekiWatanuki, SyoaranSakura, TouyaYukito

**Rating: **M

**Notes:** This has nothing to do with _'You're the One to Take Me Away', _though I did use a few of the same ideas that are in the other. The idea of this just wouldn't leave me alone, so I wrote it for Kurogane and Fai's 1st anniversary!

_"Fai..."_

_Kurogane moaned as he held onto the blonde's slim hips. Fai was atop the shinobi, slowly lowering himself onto Kurogane's member. A gasp spilled from thin lips as Kurogane was sheathed fully inside him. _

_After a few minutes, with large hands moving up and down his sides in soothing motions, Fai began to move. The mage's own hands were spalyed on the chest below him steadying his movements. Kurogane brushed back Fai's bangs so he could see the lust that shone on the beautiful face._

_Kurogane moaned again when Fai picked up his pace, pleasure replacing the pain at last. Their desires and needs coursed thourgh their veins as Kurogane placed his hands onto the blondes hips again, assisting his lover. Fai was now bouncing on top of Kurogane, feeling himself almost at the breaking point. Kurogane could feel himself reaching his own climax, as well as Fai's inner walls clenching onto him._

_Their pace become frantic, Fai's nails dug into the tanned skin beneath him, as braod hands left small bruises on his hips. Crying out Fai came, throwing his head back as waves of pleasure washed over him. Kurogane, feeling the extra pressure of Fai, soon followed his lover. Gently lifting the smaller body off him and to his side, Kurogane kissed the mage who was still catching his breath. _

_"...Kuro-tan."_

Sun beams cast over the ninja's eyes. His arm reached over to his right searching for the warmth that was, he had now noticed, missing from the bed. Garnet eyes opened to reveal that he was alone in bed. Fai was no longer beside him like he normally was. It was odd to not see the blonde staring at him for once.

Then suddenly he remembered and he fell back into the dismay that had consumed him. Fai had died, it had been nearly a year ago, and still he greived for the loss of his lover. It had been senseless. If only he had made it in time, he could have saved him. It was too short. The whole thing was to short.

They had been together for over twenty years, but he couldn't be for sure due to the time shifts of the worlds they had travelled to. With his lover's passing, Kurogane found it hard to even look at Yuki. His son had the same blonde locks of his mother, but thanks to whatever god's there were, he didn't possess the same blue eyes. That would have been to much for the man to handle.

Fai had been everything to him. He was Kurogane's best friend, his strongest fighter, his mage, his lover, his wife, his equal. Throughout their lives together Kurogane watched Fai, saw how he held onto their children, how he cared for the kids when they had still travelled. He loved it, and him so much; and now he'd never get the chance to tell the blonde that again.

* * *

After the mage had passed away, everyone had worried about Kurogane's well being. The people of Suwa and Kurogane's children all saw the ninja undergo an immediate change. The man didn't speak, he didn't eat. But then how could they expect him to when he had been spoiled by the blonde's food for so long, everything else tasted like bland to him. 

He didn't sleep, for when ever he closed his eyes he saw images of a past, of Fai, that seemed nothing now but a far off memory. When he did sleep, he dreamt of happier times, of times with the kids and manjuu, times with Fai by his side.

He stood awake at nights crying, weeping because his heart had broken and he knew it would never heal. During these nights when sleep wouldn't come the only thoughts that ran through his mind were that_ 'He's not here.'_

It took a few months of force feeding and constant watch from his kids, until Kurogane ate on his own, but he still couldn't stomach the taste.

He still remembered Fai as he held him in his arms. Fai had thanked him for giving the both of them the family they had always wanted, needed. How Kurogane had given him a reason to smile again, and how he was glad he could give Kurogane a family he could truly call his own. Years had passed by, and now, their own children had started their own families. Kurogane and Fai were grandparents, life was happy. They both had deserved those years of happiness.

* * *

Before Fai had died Kurogane had even thought of retiring and giving the title of Lord of Suwa to one of his eldest, so he could spend the rest of his days by the blonde's side. He was happy with his choice and was awaiting to annouce it when Fai had died. Now being Suwa's lord was all he had left to keep him going. Kurogane had cried while he clutched the blonde's limp body, the last time he had cried had been when his parents had died. 

_'I'll never see him...ever again.' _

* * *

Tomoyo had arrived shortly after the tragic event, hoping to console her old freind. He wouldn't talk to her, so she sat quietly by his side, praying that this was enough. It hadn't helped though that one of the few times Kuorgane ventured out of his chambers that he ended up killing one of Tomoyo's ninja's. 

It had happened around four days after Fai had passed away. Kurogane was roaming the palace corridors at night and overheard two of Tomoyo's ninja's talking. Kurogane stood by the door as he heard them talking of the lord's late lover. They had said Fai was attractive, though they didn't see why Kurogane was grieving over the loss. Until one shinobi made a remark about Kurogane greiving because he had lost such a pretty bed mate and a few other colorful adjectives to describe the blonde.

Before he knew it, Kurogane was in the room and Souhi had cut the offending ninja in half. His friend beside him had fainted in fright. Blood splattered on the walls as Souhi dripped crimson on to the corpse. Kurogane turned and, calmly, walked out of the room.

_'He's not here anymore.' _

His own shinobi surrounding the room to see what had happened. Tomoyo had seen to it that the other ninja was severly punished for his careless words.

Time slowed down for Kurogane and slowly everyone around him began to smile again. The kids carried on, though their mother's memory still lingered in their hearts. Kurogane never smiled to them again, now he only smiled through his eyes, hoping that that was enough for them now; because it would have to be enough for them.

* * *

When Fai had died, the family the two had forged throughout the worlds cried for the loss of their dear friend.

* * *

In Clow country Sakura was entertaining her family. Touya and Yukito were laughing merrily with Syoaran and Sakura, their children running amock once dinner had finished. Syoaran had turned to look at his most precious person when he saw something that terrified him. Sakura had stopped her laughter and now tears rained freely down her cheeks, eyes wide in shock and despair. 

Before anyone could react, Clow's high preist immediately ran to the girl hugging her tightly. Using his powers he saw into Sakura's mind, seeing what had caused her tears, Yukito held the smaller form more closely to him and in soft words told the others what had happened.

Syoaran was shell shocked, so much so that he fell in to his seat, head hanging low as fists clutched tightly onto his pants. His bangs hid his tears from the gazes of the others. The children had gathered on heaing the news of their relatives demise, their little wails echoed through the palace's walls.

Touya slowly walked over to his lover and sister, holding the two to his chest as they sobbed. He was the only one who hadn't shed tears, though later that night he would latch himself onto his love, his tears hidden in the darkness.

* * *

In Tokyo, Yuuko had immediately been hit with a wave of anguish as she realized what had taken place. The Mokona's had sensed it soon after and burst into tears. The small balls of fluff jumped up to the time-space witch's chest, holding on to their creator. 

A pale arm wrapped itself around the two small manjuus' as Yuuko lowered her head to touch the pork bun's, ebony haired made a barrier that shielded the three as they shared their greif.

* * *

Watanuki and Doumeki had just finished satisfying their passions when a dread feeling washed over the smaller boy. Doumeki sensed the sadness in his lover and held the other close throughout the night. Hopefully Yuuko would know what was wrong in the morning. 

When the two arrived to Yuuko's shop the next day they were surprised to see a sober and puffy eyed witch sitting on her favorite couch. Yuuko immediatly embraced Watanuki and cried on his shoulder. That was when Doumeki noticed the Mokonas' leaning against eachother whimpering and hiccuping, he also faintly heard cries from Maru and Maro in the next room.

Yuuko looked up after a few minutes and drying her eyes told the two what had happened. Watanukis' knees buckled and he kneeled on the wooden floor in front of Yuuko, choking on the tears that spilled forth. Doumeki kneeled down beside his love and held him close as the other asked what had happened. The only reply the demension witch gave was_ 'It was a mistake.' _

* * *

A few days later Fai was buried beneath a Sakura tree, instead of the usual cremation. Kurogane had said his reason for it being that the blonde was born in a land of snow and ice and he didn't want the blonde to leave the world in fire and ash. While friends and family came to pay their respects, Kurogane sat, head bowed by the tree lost in his thoughts. The sun shone brightly upon those who mourned the lose of their friend. 

After burying his most precious person, Kurogane had comtemplated searching Nihon for this world's Fai, because this world's Fai would share part of the same soul as his. Though he gave up the idea, knowing that no one, even someone with the same face and voice, could never replace the person he lost, could never share the same bond, or memories, or share the same dreams as he once did with Fai.

_'He's not anywhere, anymore'_

* * *

Time passed. Quietly and softly. 

He was outside the palace's walls, the first time in in well over a year. Village children ran past him, smiling and laughing. The adults were happy, going about their days in tranquility and peace. Kurogane and a few of his guards walked down the town's streets, taking in the sights. He had learned to carry Fai's old smiles, knowing now why the blonde used them so much back then.

_'Why is the day still coming? Why are those people smiling? Why didn't the world die with him?'_

* * *

It was another day without Fai by his side, another day of boring duties that barely kept his mind from wandering to thoughts of kitties and blue eyes. Kurogane sat in the main room, today he would be greeting a small group of traveler's that had come to Suwa to settle down after their own province had ben going through hardships. 

His guards had opened the doors letting the newcomers in. Kurogane wasn't paying attention, lost in his greif. He began welcoming the new villagers.When he was done he looked up to see what the strangers looked like.

He saw blonde hair, something he never thought he'd see on another person aside from one of his kids. Blue eyes looked into his slightly worried aout meeting before the powerful man. He went against everything he swore he would never do. Kuorgane rushed from his seat and captured the stranger in an embrace, looking into blue eyes once more his kissed the man he held.

Everyone around the lord were shocked at his actions. His own guards jaws were slack and eyes bulging. The rest of the newcomers were red faced in embrassment and shock. After a few minutes Kurogane lifted his face from the blonde in his arms gasping for breath.

"...Fai..."

Blue eyes wide in shock looked up into red, a spark of something igniting in them.

"...Kuro-tan?"

**Notes: **I actually thought of this the other day, but I was too tired to write it down, so it's not nearly as good as it was supposed to be, but I got most of it. Sorry about all the angst, recent chapters of Tsubasa have finally gotten to me. Hope everyone enjoyed this, please reveiw!


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